What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
