OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
