Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
