Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
