Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
