have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
