Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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