i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
