Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
