Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You have to summon your inner elephant
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
