Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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