i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
