omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
