Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
