Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
