I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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