I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
