I got chris browned last night
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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