He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I enjoy the company of your penis
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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