i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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