Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
