tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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