I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
