So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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