Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
