yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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