I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize