if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
