If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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