wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
