Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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