Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
