The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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