my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
