Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
