So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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