When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
