Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize