you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
