You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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