if i can run in heels then i can drive
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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