You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sorry about my life...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
