if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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