Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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