everyone is single if you try hard enough
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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