hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize