I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
