my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
