At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Vodka?
Forever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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