There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
