He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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