He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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