i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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