Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
