So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
