glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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