I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
