He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
