that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
PANTIES FOUND
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