This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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