Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
