I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
