Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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