if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
