i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
