If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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