i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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