im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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