took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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