Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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