I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
As shirtless as possible
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
