M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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