hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
