he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize