im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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